i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
