i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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