Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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