I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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