If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
