just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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