so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
