I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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