what day is it and did you see me today?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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