You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Send help, water and tortillas.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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