First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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