got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cut my penus on the lid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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