If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fuck appropriateness.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
