Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
