Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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