all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This baby is an asshole
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
