I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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