I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
