My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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