I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
