I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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