Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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