meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
