Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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