Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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