You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
