did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How's work?
Spinning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
