I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
