why didn't you poke me back
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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