It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
