one might say we're banned from that church
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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