I think i peed on brittanys purse
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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