Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
