and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
