Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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