you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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