Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
