the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
