I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
