This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
