Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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