at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
