i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
