How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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