A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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