There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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