Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
