U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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