who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
