The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
