I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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