Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"it" just moved
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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