Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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