there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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