Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
