Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
