I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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