I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
